when i thought all was fine inside of me, all of a sudden, things just started rushing back to me. treading on uncertain grounds now. need a break, a long one.. need to shut myself out from the world. if i had done certain things, my situation would be very different now.. i can't don't think about it u know.. cuz it hurts me deep. this is probably not what u think it is.. No one knows.

Finally bought Harry Potter today, bloody at 10 bucks more too. freak. but had to go read today, and why else would i want to go home early today.. got a few chapters down.. looking good. and yeah, will be trying to slack this weekend. still not in the mood to study yet.. guess will be out whole day tomolo, which makes me feel bad.. it's just that guilty feeling..
Anyway been thinking about it.. think i becoming quieter these days.. dunnoe why also. maybe things are getting more serious nows. but in class it's still fine and fun maybe.. at least we know the teachers better, and can joke with them.. most if not all.. i've learnt to know how just not to get on their nerves, and must know when can fool around, and muz be serious sometimes.. Oh yah, and one thing i can't emphasize enough.. think there're many times i've said something dumb, and when i look back now, it just doesn't make sense.. so pls pardon me k... so if there's something you don't like, take it as i'm crapping.. and i probably was..

Was looking through the rg yearbook today. it won't make sense but it kinda makes me sad.. it's like seeing my past present and future.. this probably reads nonsense to you, but yeah. but then again it might not even be the past present future.. past may not be past and all.. arrgh, confused soul.. but looking at it saddens me.. ok, i'll stop this.

Maybe sometimes we should just stop and think about what we have done with our lives. I mean really shut out everything. no distractions, when all is quiet . just think about what is going on.. how we can change the screwed-up parts of our life for the better.. do not consign yourself to the fact that your life is screwed and it'll never change.. no point whining about life if we don do anything about it. forgive me if i seem to be trying to be crappy, but i mean what i say. We simply do not spend enough time reflecting on our lives. be glad for what we have. Think about it... as in really. you might feel better.

surprises me how i take things in my stride.. maybe it's just that i don't have a choice.. things still happen, life moves on.. no point being caught in time.. been feeling kinda free, if u know what i mean.. but thing is, i can't say what it is.. hmm..

"Most important of all is the meaning we attach to our lives."

Out-of-point for GP essay, just as i guessed. so ended up screwed up score for gp though did quite well for compre.. well, it's ok. even my teacher says so. ok, was a surprisingly refreshing day in school.. fell asleep only in chem lect.. even so, was switching between sleep and dazed.. so din get anything in.. just screwing myself i think, but can't change lah.. hmm. was playing with j2s today. saw how much better they are. actually, i'm not too far from them, but still got lots to learn.. lots. and i hope can go back ri play every sat afternoon-evening. but time constraints. many things to do.. and can't afford to spend that much time on it.. but then again, it's only then when i can really forget all that's happening and free myself.. it sort of helps. just a thought, why can't i be one of those who strikes lottery big time.. i could do so much.. haha. maybe my day would come...

Feeling kinda out-of-touch for bball.. can't believe it. just a week never train then so bad liao.. genuinely concerns me. which means i will try not to have any unnecessary breaks.. but exams will still break the momentum.. and have to get some fitness.. it scares me what will be demanded of us when the coach comes in.. scary indeed. but it's hard to motivate urself to get dull stuff like fitness done.. will have to do it still.. and it's pressurising others expect a lot from you.. look, i'm not saying i'm good or anything, i'm not that.. it's just how sucky we all are.. it's sad really.

I'm satisfied with what i have, who i am. Of course some things could be improved but i'm still happy with my life in general. Yeah, dunnoe why i had to say this, but yeah, nothing wrong with my life now.. it will get even better, and i have to make it happen.. something i believe in.. if you want to get something done, you make it happen, don wait for it to come to you.

First and foremost, thanks to sabrina and peiying for their little gift.. haha. nice square little bball.. really cute, love it.. thanx. owe you guys one. haha.

Was an otherwise boring day in school.. slept well during bio lect.. can be quite comfortable in there, believe it or not.. Training today was impressive.. 11 ppl turned up.. and we had fun.. and it had to rain.. damn. we were doing free-throws and were on a roll.. first 8 shots all went in.. rox.. and guessed who screwed that streak.. yours truly. shit. oops.. how did that happen? Then took a long time to get home cuz my dad had to find a way to get round the fricking jam.. arrgh. And just realised i don't nderstand general solutions AT ALL.. real screwed.

Things i can't let go of.. it'll take some time.

The most severe hardships make the best of men.

Started out well.. the getting back of ct results.. math got A. happy. but it has got to be my best subj.. the sciences on the other hand... never mind. was a rather good day today.. cuz maybe nothing much happen.. and work is like on hole cuz of common test results and stuff.. yeah. lee chee keong will be off for this week.. some j3 replacement.. muahaha. fun stuff. slack week for chem.. yeps. looking forward to training tomorrow.. don't know whether the situation's getting better.. attendance is still shit. maybe i just din expect this bad.. but if we're to have any chance of surviving next year, we'll have to work our asses off.. or more j1s next year will just make it.. sheesh, doesn't work that way. well, putting pressure on myself.. hmm. will have to fight for my place. no one's garanteed a place on the team.. hope i will make it next year. i better. oh yeah, i really want to do the pool thing.. as in not touch it for this week.. ppl help.

If i could, i would make everyone around me happy.

the cut on my finger hurts.. don't know from where.. and i hate cuts there.. sheesh.

dunnoe why, still feel strange. can't explain it.. nothing wrong really.. but nothing too right too.. screw myself lah..

It's a mystery.. why today's pool was so disastrous. everyone screwed up big time.. so stress. think it's sorta too much of a good thing. yes, that's possible. told myself i won't touch pool for this week. hope i can make it past the weekend. so try not to tempt me.. ha, but i may fail.. so heck. 4th day out with og.. could go on forever.. was crazy.. you guys rock. just rox. i love ya all. forever. saw heng tang tang(sec4 geo teacher) at mrt.. ha. my eyelids are too heavy.... can't keep my eyes open.. shit, long day in school tomorrow. can't see the end.. oh yah, common test results.. hope not too bad. hope all goes well.

need to pool. thought i got sian.. but i's always only temporary.. pool... but shit, no money to finance it.. rob a bank maybe.. never have i been so tempted to rob someone.. ha, discipline.

oh man, happy tree friends is sick.. haha
is this the one?

"Fate is what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over."
this quote rox. we rox. shiri rox. malcolm ...


Think i'm spending more time outside than at home.. time when i'm awake at least.. not very good. then tomolo won't be going for sec4 class outing.. losing touch with them.. but looking back now, it's really a weird mix of weird people in a class.. wasn't particularly close to anyone.. so yeah, heck, i was monitor lor.. haha, memories.. dunnoe why also. could spend better time with other ppl.. haha. intend to do gp essay tmr morning, and cut hair.. was thinking about doing something to my hair.. maybe spiky or something.. ha, decided not to yet..don't want to look like a freak in school. watever. bit worried about my maths, i mean catching up on lect.. think it's called general solutions or something, yeah. can't believe titanic's showing on tv again now. shiri today was damn good. most intense bloods i've seen in a movie.. was good, great actually. sabrina's place rox.